Today, I want to give you a powerful tool that will help your marriage. It’s the pause button and the power of a pause.
If you are like us, you’ve probably had a fight or two (or 20). Having a fight or disagreement is normal. In fact, it’s expected because we are different. We see and do things differently and in the process of growing together, we are bound to disagree. But sometimes, in the midst of our disagreement, as things are getting heated and emotions are rising, we may need to push the pause button.Why a pause button?
- To give some time for things to calm down.
- To avoid wounding each other with our words or actions in the heat of the moment.
- To allow thought and consideration about the issue.
- To create some space.
- To give the opportunity for both of you to pray about and hear from the Lord concerning the issue.
Now here are the rules for the pause button:
- At any point either you or your spouse can call for a pause.
The pause button is not a weapon to avoid the issue or shut your spouse up. In just a moment you’ll see why that won’t work.
- When the pause button is called for it has to be honored.
Really, the pause button is you or your spouse saying I need some time. Honor them by honoring their request. Give them the time to cool off, think and/or work through things on their own.
- Agree to a specific timeframe for your pause.
The pause button puts a placeholder in the conversation for an agreed upon period of time. Whether it’s 30 minutes or a day, you both need to agree to a specific place and time to come back together and work through things.
- Fill the pause
The pause isn’t just a time to walk away and stew on the matter. During the pause pray. Ask God to help you to see things His way and to give you wisdom in how to resolve the matter. If tempers are high, go do something completely different and give yourself time to calm down. Don’t sit around planning your next attack.
- Come back!!!!!
Continue the conversation. THIS IS CRITICAL!!! Many couples say that one of the key areas of frustration when it comes to resolving conflict is that the issue never gets resolved. We argue, get angry, walk away and never return to truly resolve the issue. Inevitably the same issue or types of issues keep popping back up. You have to come back to the table at the agreed upon time…no excuses…and work to resolve things. It is so worth it.
The pause button can be used as often as needed. Remember it is not a tool of avoidance.Itis designed to open the door for conversation and consideration rather than arguing to the point of wounding and hurting one another. Hope this helps you.
What questions do you have about the pause button?
Enjoy Your Marriage,