I don’t recall how many times I threw the “D” word around in our marriage but it was a lot. It was a control mechanism that I used to keep my wife “in check”. I was a fearful, little man who didn’t know how to communicate well so I used fear and manipulation to control.
The “D” word is divorce. I threatened my wife with divorce all the time. We would argue (as we always seemed to do in those days), I would get angry and yell “let’s just get a divorce”, grab the car keys and storm out of the house so she would feel the pain of not knowing where I was, who I was with or what I was doing. I didn’t realize then that all I was doing was wounding her and proving I was un-trustworthy and uncommitted. I was selfish and always had one foot out of the marriage. I think I thought I was protecting myself.
One of our Marriage Daily subscribers shared “I think the D word was me saying to myself, I’ll leave you first… it was an automatic reaction.”
Our first four years of marriage were hell on earth. One of the reasons why? I wasn’t committed. I wanted a world where I could do what I wanted and legally have sex so I wouldn’t have the condemnation of “shacking up”! I had also been hurt in previous relationships and felt the need to protect myself. The “D” word was my weapon of choice. Does that sound like a great marriage recipe to you?
When I finally committed myself to our marriage things began to turn around for us and the same can happen for you too.
So, what’s keeping you from fully committing to your marriage? Having both feet in the game? Can you see a future where you and your spouse are fully committed walking side by side?
We’d love to hear your thoughts! If you’re up to it, share them in comments below.
Enjoy your marriage,